Life's not all about veganism and feminism.
Exactly six months ago today, I sat through the worst event of my
baseball fandom career. We went to see the Washington Nationals take on
the San Francisco Giants in the second game of the NLDS. The Nationals
were widely projected to go to, if not win, the World Series. It was a
lovely fall day. Nationals Park was packed and full of energy completely
different than a regular season game. We watched an absolutely fabulous
game in which Jordan Zimmermann – coming off pitching a no-hitter in
his last game of the regular season – pitched a complete-game shutout
that the Nationals led 1-0. Unfortunately, with 2 outs in the 9th,
rookie manager Matt Williams pulled Zimmermann, and reliever, Drew
Storen – already infamous for costing the Nationals a trip to the NLCS
in 2012 – gave up a run to tie the game.
That was the
start of entirely different game. In that game, while the Nationals
pitchers were great, the big bats came up over and over and failed to
deliver. Nine times the Nationals came to bat, needing only one (g*dd#$m
f&^cking) run to win the game, but that never happened. It got
colder and colder. And later and later. It felt like it was never going
to end. And 18 innings later, we were left to make the very cold, very
long bike ride home after a Nationals loss. While the series continued
after that game, that was essentially the end of the Nationals’ playoff
hopes in 2014. We’ve spent the last six months trying to recover.
My
love of baseball began when my sister and my mom started watching Cubs
games on WGN, so I was a Cubs fan first. When Colorado got a team in
1993, I became a Rockies fan. The blessing of being a Cubs and a Rockies
fan (which I never recognized at the time) was that they never had any
real chance of winning. While this seemed like a downside at the time,
it limited the amount of possible heartbreak involved in following
them.** Between 1996 and 2003, when I lived in Southern California, I
followed the Dodgers, but I was never really a Dodgers fan. Therefore,
my love of baseball waned between 1996 and 2012. While I’d gone to
several Washington Nationals games a year since the team came to town in
2005, I’d never followed them closely.
In 2012, that
all changed. I noticed that the Nats were doing pretty well. Because we
don’t have cable and can’t get the Nationals games on TV, I asked Mike
if he wanted to listen to a game on the radio. While neither of us
realized it at the time, that question changed our summer and our lives.
We started listening to every game on the radio and we both became hard
core Nats fans (although Mike will still claim he only follows them for
me). We listened to the games sitting on the front porch enjoying the
summer heat. Sometimes our neighbors stopped by and listened for an
inning or two. It’s became a summer tradition.
2012 was
the first time the Nationals broke our hearts. On another October night
that got colder and colder, and sadder and sadder as time went on, we
listened to the Nationals quickly pull ahead to a 6-0 lead and a trip to
the NLCS seemed just around the corner. Then, we listened as they
slowly gave it all up, once again losing in the 9th inning and failing
to advance to the next round.
But that year wasn’t just
about heartbreak. The first playoff game I ever attended was on October
11, 2012. On that evening, we saw the Nationals carry a 1-1 tie into
the 9th inning and then win it and keep their hopes alive following an
incredible 9th inning homerun from Jayson Werth. And as much as the
eventual loss hurt, we had the joy over the season of watching the Nats
come from nowhere to make it to the playoffs and win more games than any
other team in baseball.
We faithfully made it through
the following year when the Nats failed to live up to expectations and
didn’t even make it to the playoffs. Then, last year, the Nats once
again won their division. Expectations were high and hopes were even
higher. We all know how that turned out. This year expectations and
hopes are even higher. Just about everyone has, once again, picked the
Nats to
make it to if not win the World Series.
Mike and I
have spent the last six months contemplating whether we want to go
through it all again. Baseball is a major time commitment since we spend
just about every evening listening to a game (sometimes two) on the
radio. I also feel a sense of guilt associated with filling our evenings
this way. Mike had no interest in baseball until I got him hooked. It’s
not just my life that’s impacted. While the hope of hearing the
Nationals win – or at least reach the World Series – is tempting,
they’re just as likely to lose and leave us heartbroken again.
Opening
Day is on Monday. While we won’t be at Nationals Park like we have been
the past two years, I’m pretty sure we’ll be following them. We hold
onto the hope that we will feel once again what we felt when Werth hit
that homerun and an entire field – and town – erupted in ecstasy. But
there’s more than hope pulling us back. The start of baseball is proof
that we’ve made it through the winter. And there is Dave and Charlie,
the Nationals’ radio announcers. For night after night, their voices
fill the summer night creating a picture for us. They share our pain,
our anger, our joy. They’re our friends. Spending time with them again
is a major force pulling us back. That, and the hope that, as much as it
hurt to see the Nationals lose, that’s how good it will feel when they
finally win. Ultimately, will it be worth it or will it only result in
more heartbreak? Only time will tell.
And even if the
Nationals win the World Series, the season will end, summer will be
over, it will get cold again, and eventually the next season will begin
from scratch as though the previous season never happened. Why are we
doing this again? Why do we love this game?
I don’t know. I can only say: Go Nats!
It
breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins
in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the
summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the
chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone. You
count on it, rely on it to buffer the passage of time, to keep the
memory of sunshine and high skies alive, and then just when the days are
all twilight, when you need it most, it stops. ~ A. Bartlett Giamatti
**
It is true that the Rockies made the playoffs in 1995, but the
expectations were much lower, and just making it to the playoffs was
awesome. The Rockies also it to the World Series in 2007, but I had long
ago stopped following them closely, and, while I watched the Series, I
was not really invested.